Ah, breakups! Still reminds me of those dreaded days of mental breakdown, unfathomable despair, silent cries under the blanket, the immeasurable days and nights of tears where my pillow became the only confidant, witnessing the flood of emotions I experienced, and the urge to relentlessly reach out to my ex led me down the rabbit hole of incessantly stalking on multiple social media platforms. Well, what hell of days were those?
Breakups are never easy. They leave us vulnerable and uncertain about everything. The promises of marriage, dreams of a joyful and loving home, and vows of eternal commitment all seem to hang on a fragile thread, threatening to unravel at any moment. It’s heart-wrenching to realize that even plans for our future children, from their names to their destinies, are now lost and vanished, like water down the drain.
In the aftermath of a failed relationship, many people contemplate the idea of remaining friends with their exes. I did too. While it may seem like a mature and amicable approach, and in fact, many psychologists will agree to stay friends with your ex, delving deeper reveals a complex emotional web that can lead to more harm than good.
So, should you stay friends with your exes? Or should you completely detox them from your life? Let’s find out.
Emotional Baggage and Healing
Remaining friends with an ex can be akin to carrying around a heavy emotional suitcase that hinders personal growth and healing. A breakup marks the end of a romantic chapter, but attempting to be friends often perpetuates a cycle of emotional attachment, making it challenging to let go and move forward. True healing can only begin when we create space to mourn the loss of the relationship, rather than cling to the familiar comfort of the past.
The Illusion of Friendship
Attempting to maintain a friendship with an ex can create a deceptive illusion. It may seem like an act of maturity and compassion, but beneath the facade lurks unresolved feelings and unmet needs. I remember my roommate, who would go back to her ex, again and again, only to come back with piles of regrets. She’d keep telling me how they end up having sex, every time she meets him to discuss their patch-up.
It’s easy to convince ourselves that staying friends is a way of preserving the good parts of the relationship while letting go of the bad. But in reality, it often prevents us from embracing new possibilities and hinders the process of finding true compatibility with another person.
Jeopardizing Future Relationships
Entering new romantic relationships while being close friends with an ex can complicate matters significantly. Jealousy, insecurity, and comparisons can quickly seep into the equation, eroding the foundation of trust between you and your new partner. Additionally, potential partners may feel hesitant to invest emotionally in a relationship where an ex still lingers in your life and plays a significant role, leading to a vicious cycle of failed connections.
The Toxic Tug-of-War
Friendships with exes can sometimes descend into a toxic tug-of-war, with both parties struggling to balance the past and present. Old wounds may resurface, leading to arguments and emotional turmoil. By attempting to remain friends, we risk holding each other back from finding genuine happiness with new partners or even living fulfilling lives independently.
Closure and Acceptance
Parting ways with an ex is an opportunity for growth, learning, and self-discovery. By firmly closing the chapter and distancing ourselves, we create an environment where we can learn from our past mistakes and gain valuable insights. The journey toward healing begins when we embrace the reality that not all relationships are meant to last and that it is okay to say goodbye to some people who were once important to our lives.
They are your exes for a reason!
While the idea of maintaining a friendship with an ex might seem intriguing, it’s also imperative to learn that along with the past, comes the potential emotional toll that will likely sabotage your normal life and future. True healing and growth can only happen when we allow ourselves the space to let go and move forward.
Remember, saying goodbye to an ex doesn’t mean erasing the memories or devaluing the experiences shared; rather, it is an act of self-love and respect for our own well-being and future relationships. Letting go might be difficult, but it’s the first step toward a brighter and more fulfilling future. A closure is often the new possibility of a beautiful dawn.